Swat Pest Management, Inc.

Dear Papa Rat and Mama Mouse,

Don’t think we’re just going after you because you make people sick. Did you really think we wouldn’t notice everything you tore up and destroyed? Here’s the list of damages:

• When you ran along the sides of rooms, you left dark rubmarks on the walls. And your urine stains really stink.
• When you salvaged nesting material from paper, upholstery, books, and wood, you gnawed on it and destroyed it.
• You not only ate the garden but went after the ornamental plants on the front porch.
• When you gnawed the plastic, we got grossed out. Then you went after the lead and aluminum and other soft metals. That cost more. The final blow was when you tried to eat the wiring and nearly caused fires. I don’t care that you gnaw on everything you can find to keep your teeth sharp.
• When you stole the cat & dog food and carried crumbs of it back to your nests, insect infestations started.
• Then you went after the pet food.  Really? No respect for your fellow animals?

Don’t  beg for pity because we don’t have any – not for you or for any of your baby mice. Mama Mouse, if we don’t boot you out now, we know you’ll just keep having more babies. You can have 50 baby mice each year, in litters of about 6 mice each. Those mice will start having babies when they are 5 weeks old.

And we know the golden rule of rodent populations: the more available food, the more babies.

This is your warning to get out now. If we have to talk to you again, we’ll serve eviction papers and get rid of you.

SWATcerely,

Brandon the Bug Man